Scott Wagner: The Koch brothers back Wagner’s campaign for governor. I had to read the headlines twice.

Anyone who knows me at all knows I am the biggest Tom Wolf fan in Pennsylvania. I love everything about him including his used jeep and hipster beard. I love everything Wolf does. And Wolf has been a fantastic governor.
Of course I am politically voyaristic and ever curious about the candidates and know and followed Scott Wagner simply because he was running for governor. I follow him. It didn’t take any love away from John Fetterman. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that guy. He bleeds for the little guy in a really genuine way, and we have that in common.
The shock of the notoriously democratic Koch brothers opening up with their support to Wagner was eye opening. I literally had to read the headlines twice to make sure I was seeing correctly. My first reaction was moral outrage, “what the fuck?” I was in a horrible mood all morning.
Then slowly it dawned on me that the Koch’s were never really about partisian issues. If you look at their record (extensive) of contributing, they tend to be democratic givers, but are more liberal supporters than anything else. Grassroots isn’t party affiliated, grassroots, as the Koch’s are known for, is more little guy affiliated.

In a statement, Beth Anne Mumford, the group’s Pennsylvania director, said Mr. Wagner’s record “reflects strong leadership on causes our activists champion.” The Republican has based much of his campaign on making Pennsylvania more friendly to businesses, while Americans for Prosperity fights for lowering taxes and restraining the influence government has over the economy — ideas, Ms. Mumford said, that Mr. Wolf has failed to abide by in his first term as governor.

Over lunch I got on youtube to try and unravel this puzzle of events. I wanted to watch some wagner. Not news clips but actual sit down interviews. My impression? He is boring, defiantly partisian in a divisive republican way and cookie cutter. I was unimpressed…. worse I was bored.

Still if the Koch brothers are endorsing a republican, then clearly there was something I was missing in this calculation.

Corruption in Pennsylvania.

“Wolf’s lack of leadership has instead left the Commonwealth with a legacy of bigger government, higher taxes, and runaway spending that consistently stifles economic dynamism and prioritizes Harrisburg’s interests over those of everyday Pennsylvanians,” Ms. Mumford said.

The drain the swamp mentality had been specifically applied. The Koch brothers entry into Pennsylvania politics was carefully analyzed. The need to drain the never ending swamp overtook their liberal agendas. Pennsylvania ranks top five states in the nation for corruption in government consistently. I saw what the Koch bothers were thinking and it made me laugh. Corruption in Pennsylvania politics is an age old tradition, in fact something we take pride in.

Welcome to Pennsylvania newbies 1. over there is a pothole; 2. on your right please notice the indicted elected public official.

You Texans with your money (oil exxon money) somehow think this is some easy overnight fix. As much as we chastise corruption here in Pennsylvania, its part of our roots. It’s ingrained in our legacy, indoctrinated in our story. Let me give you an example, we all bitch about the weather but none of us move south. The climate “weather” problem of freezing out asses off is a thing of pride. What else would there to be to talk about if we couldn’t complain?

Americans for Prosperity, known for more than a decade for its backing of conservative candidates, is “raising the bar” on which candidates it engages with — looking for policy agreements, not party affiliation, the branch spokesman said.  TRANSLATION: It’s the most corrupt state we have ever seen, we hate Trump as much as the next liberal, but Dear Lord it’s a serious swamp>  So the Koch brothers assessed it and think “draining the swamp” is the answer.

Just like the bad weather, you will leave us bored if you remove the snow. And how cute and naive you are, truly thinking your billions will fix this. For every corrupt politician we dispose of, there are five more salivating and waiting in the wings to pounce. Its a never ending days-of-our-lives political scandal after scandal.

If you want to change the culture of corruption in Pennsylvania, you must first address our fundamental complaint-based skeptism and our expectations of the norm. You manifest what you expect.

Oh, and then there is the money problem. Something that Texan foriegners will also never understand.

Americans for Prosperity has had Mr. Wagner on their radar since at least 2016, when it recognized him as one of 10 Pennsylvania state lawmakers who scored an “A+” for voting against overspending and in favor of measures that enhanced economic freedom. 

Essentially it boils down to taking the most corrupt government known to mankind and writing them a blank check. One dynamic feeds off the other. Why do you think property taxes, vehicle registration, even grocery/sales tax etc is so high? Take a look at the number of federally indicted public officials for monetary crimes. Now multiply by that by 100, because one out of 100 will actually be prosecuted? Why? Because our prosecutors are corrupt too.

It’s all politics and Pennsylvania politics are about economics. If the weather suddenly improved to not include snow, we’d find a way to bitch about that too.

But this renewed focus has clashed with some Republicans recently, including a significant name in Pennsylvania. In May, the group targeted Rep. Lou Barletta over his vote on the $1.3 trillion spending bill two months earlier, as part of a mail and ad campaign criticizing 17 House members from both parties. They criticized Mr. Barletta — the Republican nominee for Senate — for voting to increase waste and spending.

Politicians in Pennsylvania (at least the good ones) don’t fight the system they adapt. They aren’t revolutionaries, rather they are jungle survivalists.

Will I vote for Wagner because of Koch Brother endorsement? Hell no.

Will I vote for Wagner because he is republican candidate? Bigger hell no.

Do I vote democrat all the way down the ballot? Fuck no, are you crazy?

You vote for Tarzan, the ape man who is most able to adapt and manipulate these most unpleasant conditions. Tarzan is not a democrat or a republican, he is simply an ape man familiar with the jungle. The successful Pennsylvania politician knows he/she cant change the weather or alter the political climate in a few bold revolutionary strokes. They, instead, make small calculated maneuvers and changes. They pick their battles.

The Koch brother endorsement is foolish and naive. Somewhere on a sofa, likely in Scranton, sit three or four politicians giggling uproariously and plotting how they are going to capitalize on this maneuver. The Koch brother’s came to Pennsylvania, someone should have had the courtesy to let them know we eat dumb out-of-state politicians, baby fetuses and lobbyists alive up here.

No way Wagner will grab the vote no matter how much money you dump into the project.

So lets reestablish the status quo and go back to bitching about the weather.

There are no “revolutionaries” in state politics. The closest we have come is Fetterman, who is a big tatooed ogre who is in desperate need of a gay stylist. And even Fetterman knows he isn’t that big of a revolutionary, only to the extent where he can still survive and not be eaten. He calculates roaming through the jungle fully expecting the usual snakes. And the snakes are more abundant in Harrisburg than you will ever find in Pennsylvania nature settings. Look there are nine poisonous ones on the Pennsylvania Board of Transportation alone.

Dear Koch Brothers: Your money is cute.. Thank you for the billions of dollars, we have people waiting to find a way to extort it from you. Your idealism is very imaginative. But you walked into a blizzard wearing swim trunks. I give you one election and your done here.

Tom Wolf is my Tarzan and has my vote. Hairy jeep driving dork. Enjoy. These Texans are entertaining if nothing else.

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